Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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