I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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