i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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