i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize