Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
