U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
we're so committed to being not committed
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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