you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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