The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
