Please, let me fuck your mom
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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