I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
