True but thats because hes a fetus.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
