I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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