Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
