well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I pour the whiskey from now on
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
