The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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