and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
