Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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