these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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