i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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