things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
