My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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