I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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