am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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