she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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