I need to stop coming to work sober
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
