just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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