I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
