sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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