The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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