I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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