totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
