This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize