she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
