butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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