Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Sorry about my life...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize