Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize