Do you still have your period?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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