i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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