I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize