Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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