I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
