I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
