So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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