If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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