for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
