I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
