So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
