Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
