three words: i give head
three words: not that well
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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