I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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