so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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