I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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