I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize