There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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