This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
