Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
