everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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