soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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