i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
