Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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