i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
