I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
