FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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