I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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