Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
