can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
