We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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