They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
