Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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