I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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