3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
