i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize