There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
