I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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