and she was petting her beer can
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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