D3 body, D1 cock
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
