I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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