I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
