if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she peed on how many people?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
