Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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