don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
