It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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