Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize