i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
