Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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