Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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