I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
