i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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