i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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