he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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