I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
whose parrot is this?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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